He cares even for a phone call!

As I was having dinner with my parents in-law and my brother in-law without my husband who was travelling on a business trip to Russia, my ninety years old Father in-law kept sighing over dinner, looking concerned and worried. As his memory and mental capability decline due to old age, through out the entire two hour dinner, he kept asking me if his son was safe. Then he would eat for another ten minutes and asked me again. Such burden of worrying about his son in an unknown place was so obviously heavy in his heart.

I know that my husband's cell phone was working in Russia. I waited till nine o'clock (evening) and then tried calling him, whose local time was six in the morning.  For whatever the reasons, the call did not go through. It was either blocked by some Russian operator who said things that I could not understand, or an operator with a British accent told me that my call did not get through. I was a little disappointed. I kept calling for over ten times.

Seeing my Father in-law's face going from full of expectation to downcast, I prayed to the Lord, "Lord, have mercy and compassion on my Father in-law. May you show your glory to my mother in-law and my brother in-law who do not know you in a manner that they cannot deny that you are real."

My phone's battery was down to fifteen percent. So by faith, I decided to try one more time after my prayer.  Viola! It got through immediately! I was so overjoyed and told all my in-laws that I prayed and the Lord answered my prayer.

My Father in-law was so overwhelmed with excitement to be able to talk to his son in Russia just like a local call. He found it unbelievable. But most importantly, he felt so relieved after hearing his son's voice and was able to talk to him. My Mother in-law also got a chance to talk too.

We left the restaurant with all of us filled with joy, and my Father in-law kept talking to himself on the way out of the restaurant, "He is real, He is real!"

This is my testimony of Christ's love, the way I experienced it on December 14rh, 2012.

The Same Message Twice

I was quite (pleasantly) surprised that what the Lord thinks of me is very different from what I think of myself. Out of Jesus' gracious, merciful kindness, there were two very important messages that He impressed upon my heart through the Holy Spirit about what He thinks of me. He delivered each of the two messages to me twice within no more than two days. His extra effort to accept and overcome my little faith truly melts my heart.

The Lord sent me the first message about what He thinks of me around the month of May this year. During one of the prayer ministry training sessions, I was asked to identity a word that would be the banner over my life. The word "Invisibility" flashed glowingly like a billboard in my head. After overcoming the initial denial, my soul affirmed that that was the banner that has been hanging over my life. Born as the middle child, a girl raised in a male chauvinist traditional Chinese family, every interaction with almost every significant people in my childhood has impressed in my soul that my voice would never be heard, my presence would always be overshadowed by other more prominent presence, especially by the boys in my family. My needs would usually only be considered after all other needs were taken care of. I felt I was tugged in the background, watching others running the "show" while I was invisible to others. My prayer ministry group leader firmly said that this banner was definitely not from the Lord. She challenged me to ask the Lord to show me what is His banner over my life. As I sought the Lord during the session, He did not answer me then. After I got home, in the quietness of my study, I sought the Lord again. The Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart with the word "Chosen". I could not explain why that word. It definitely was not my normal vocabulary. I assumed the the banner of "Invisibility" as the reality of my identity very well. I was never expected to be chosen by anyone for anything. Even when there were significant opportunities when I was chosen to lead a group or to make a speech, my inner self kept telling myself, it wasn't supposed to be me. So when the Lord's banner for me, "Chosen" was revealed, it was very foreign to me. The Truth in His Word about how He has chosen me for His divine purpose, out of His sovereignty, way before I was even born, my inner being initially responded with disbelief. It was called out to me that my identification with "Invisibility" was a trap from the evil one that I must renounce. Not only that I am not invisible to the Lord, His eyes are always on me, wanting me to step into His divine and good purpose for me! I was so overjoyed upon receiving this banner from the Lord. Then came Monday, my jaw dropped as I read that day's daily devotion from the Purpose Driven Life. The devotional message for that day was about being chosen. The words from that devotional write up cut right into my heart and soul. The Lord gave me the same message that I am His chosen one again in less than 48 hours . The same message twice. 

The second message from the Lord was a message of reassurance. Around the month of November this year, facing many challenges at the work that I was called to do, a sense of inadequacy started to creep back into my soul. One of the online message that I subscribed to talk about Gideon (Judges 6:11-15) and his encounter with the angel of the Lord. When the angel of the Lord greeted Gideon, "Hey, valiant warrior!". Gideon responded in shock, "Who, me? You don't understand. My family does not have a good social standing and I am the least in my family. Valiant warrior?! Me?! You gotta be kidding me!" My soul immediately bonded with Gideon's sense of inadequacy! I felt that disagreement about my identity with the Lord in my soul. How the Lord saw Gideon and how the Lord called that into reality greatly encouraged me and lifted me up. The Lord said, "Am I not sending you?", "I will be with you as you do what I have called you to do." Then the day afterwards, I randomly picked up a book to read to bridge some time gap. Flipping to the table of content of the book, I just picked a chapter to read. That chapter I "randomly picked" talked about the exact same bible passage from Judges Chapter 6: Gideon's identity of himself and the Lord's calling upon his life. The Lord gave me the same message twice, again.

I need to gather any ounce of little faith within me to renounce my old identity about myself and claim the Lord's pronouncement upon me and, like the Lord, speak it into being!

"You stood before my failure,

  Carried the Cross for my shame,

  My sin weighed upon Your shoulders,

  My soul now to stand.

  So what can I say?

  What can I do? 

  But offer this heart O God, Completely to you!"  Stand -- Hillsong

This is my testimony of Christ's love the way I experienced it during the period from May to November, 2012 (and He is not finished with me yet).

Jesus gave me a sign of His Hope

Taken Sept.18.2012 with my Canon S95
at workplace parking lot

That was a very long working day. It was one of those days that I wished people were different, that I wished were different. The day that I wish I could love like Jesus but I couldn't, again. It was one of those days that I spent most of my time in meetings to un-do other's misrepresentations, to re-establish written agreements in order to match the verbal agreements previously established, to sort out he said verses she said. It was one of those days that if there was any ounce of creative juice left, it would be  zapped away.


Knowing that I was the only presence of God's people in the situation, called to be the priest at this workplace as the heavenly representative of the King of kings, bridging between God's greatest love and these people, I felt I could have showered more extravagant love and patience to people whom might not be acting lovingly. I wished I did but on that day, I didn't.

Another Shot with my BlackBerry

I left work that day quite late, very tired, and felt quite defeated spiritually. As I walked into the parking lot, I saw a complete rainbow hanging in the cloud. As people were leaving work, walking by and getting to their cars, they did not take notice. Actually, nobody took notice! No one! I was the only one standing there by myself, completely in awe as if Jesus showed this just to me, cheering me on and to give me a sign of hope. I felt His love.

I stood there and just gave praises to my King of Kings. Jesus has assured me that only in Him there is hope, in Him I will find strength and power through the Spirit in my inner being for Christ to dwell. With that, I can carry on.

One day,  Jesus, with the appearance of jasper and ruby, will be sitting on a throne in heaven. A rainbow will shine like an emerald encircled the throne. The twenty four elders, the seven spirits of God and the four living creature, day and night they will never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." [Revelation 4:1-8] My heart longs for the coming of that day.

This is my testimony of Christ's love the way I experienced it on September 18, 2012.

Jesus Hugged Me!

In early September, 2012, I attended a training workshop teaching people how to pray and how to have a direct, two-way conversation with God. 

During a practice session that was about ten minutes long, I followed the "four-in-one" method taught and started praying. I practised what I was taught:

•  I quieted my spirit and focused on Jesus (first component is "Stillness"), and
•  I relaxed to let thoughts flow naturally to me. It usually comes like a still small voice in my thoughts (second component is "Spontaneity"), and
•  I let pictures come to my mind (third component is "visions and imagery"), and
• I started to write down the flow of thoughts  (fourth component is "Journalling"), 

and all four components were done together at the same time. 

As I did that, I saw an image of Jesus and me, sitting in a boat in the sea of Galilee alone. That was the only boat in the sea. In that imagery, Jesus and I were sitting facing each other. I felt a little distant from Him. 

Then I saw Jesus reached out His hand to touch my hands. He started telling me how precious I was to Him, and that I was chosen for a special calling. Then I asked Him what was His calling for me. He gently smiled and said that He would tell me later. For now, it's more important that my inner being was soaked in the depth of His love. Then He got out of His seat, came around to sit next to me, and said, “I know what you have been going through. I know you really needed a hug”. Then He just hugged me for a very long time, in that imagery.   

After the training workshop, all attendees were asked to line up to be prayed over by the prayer ministry team of the workshop. I was catching up with church friends who also attended so I was late and ended up lining up at the very end of the line. While it was far from my turn, a prayer ministry team member just walked right up to me. She looked directly in my eyes and gently asked if she could hug me. I was shocked. I asked why, it was not my turn, why she prayed for others before me but came to hug me instead. She just smiled and kindly said with a sense of certainty, "that was the ministry I was burdened to do at the moment". Then she went ahead to give me a deep long hug. With my jaws dropped, I showed her the journal entry of my imagery. After reading it, she smiled and said, "I know.", then she went off to pray for other people.

WOW!! I did hear Him right! Jesus did hug me! Knowing that I am a left-brain, logical person that would dismiss such an intangible, illogical "impression" in no time, He went out of His way to make sure that I know He really hugged me! 

I was speechless. His extravagant love for me has filled me up, overflowing. It took me a while for that to sink in. It so happened that weekend was Holy Communion Sunday.  During worship, as I reflected His suffering on the cross, His blood and the torture of His human body, my heart and my spirit finally caught up with what His love means to me and how much it had cost Him. I just could not stop myself from crying as I ate that bread and drank that cup. 

Since then, I felt a sense of freshness in my spirit. I felt that He has strengthened me with power through the Spirit in my inner being as the Spirit creates elements of new nature in me so I can be more like Jesus.

Footnote: As I keep practising the method that I learn to converse with the Father, through Christ, in the Holy Spirit, my sensitivity in hearing God has noticeably  gotten better than before. 

This is my testimony of Christ's love the way I experienced it on September 7 & 8, 2012

P.S. After I finished my initial entry of this blog, I "accidentally" ran into this picture that came close to the imagery that I had other than the positioning of the boat and the colour scheme are completely different.