The Same Message Twice

I was quite (pleasantly) surprised that what the Lord thinks of me is very different from what I think of myself. Out of Jesus' gracious, merciful kindness, there were two very important messages that He impressed upon my heart through the Holy Spirit about what He thinks of me. He delivered each of the two messages to me twice within no more than two days. His extra effort to accept and overcome my little faith truly melts my heart.

The Lord sent me the first message about what He thinks of me around the month of May this year. During one of the prayer ministry training sessions, I was asked to identity a word that would be the banner over my life. The word "Invisibility" flashed glowingly like a billboard in my head. After overcoming the initial denial, my soul affirmed that that was the banner that has been hanging over my life. Born as the middle child, a girl raised in a male chauvinist traditional Chinese family, every interaction with almost every significant people in my childhood has impressed in my soul that my voice would never be heard, my presence would always be overshadowed by other more prominent presence, especially by the boys in my family. My needs would usually only be considered after all other needs were taken care of. I felt I was tugged in the background, watching others running the "show" while I was invisible to others. My prayer ministry group leader firmly said that this banner was definitely not from the Lord. She challenged me to ask the Lord to show me what is His banner over my life. As I sought the Lord during the session, He did not answer me then. After I got home, in the quietness of my study, I sought the Lord again. The Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart with the word "Chosen". I could not explain why that word. It definitely was not my normal vocabulary. I assumed the the banner of "Invisibility" as the reality of my identity very well. I was never expected to be chosen by anyone for anything. Even when there were significant opportunities when I was chosen to lead a group or to make a speech, my inner self kept telling myself, it wasn't supposed to be me. So when the Lord's banner for me, "Chosen" was revealed, it was very foreign to me. The Truth in His Word about how He has chosen me for His divine purpose, out of His sovereignty, way before I was even born, my inner being initially responded with disbelief. It was called out to me that my identification with "Invisibility" was a trap from the evil one that I must renounce. Not only that I am not invisible to the Lord, His eyes are always on me, wanting me to step into His divine and good purpose for me! I was so overjoyed upon receiving this banner from the Lord. Then came Monday, my jaw dropped as I read that day's daily devotion from the Purpose Driven Life. The devotional message for that day was about being chosen. The words from that devotional write up cut right into my heart and soul. The Lord gave me the same message that I am His chosen one again in less than 48 hours . The same message twice. 

The second message from the Lord was a message of reassurance. Around the month of November this year, facing many challenges at the work that I was called to do, a sense of inadequacy started to creep back into my soul. One of the online message that I subscribed to talk about Gideon (Judges 6:11-15) and his encounter with the angel of the Lord. When the angel of the Lord greeted Gideon, "Hey, valiant warrior!". Gideon responded in shock, "Who, me? You don't understand. My family does not have a good social standing and I am the least in my family. Valiant warrior?! Me?! You gotta be kidding me!" My soul immediately bonded with Gideon's sense of inadequacy! I felt that disagreement about my identity with the Lord in my soul. How the Lord saw Gideon and how the Lord called that into reality greatly encouraged me and lifted me up. The Lord said, "Am I not sending you?", "I will be with you as you do what I have called you to do." Then the day afterwards, I randomly picked up a book to read to bridge some time gap. Flipping to the table of content of the book, I just picked a chapter to read. That chapter I "randomly picked" talked about the exact same bible passage from Judges Chapter 6: Gideon's identity of himself and the Lord's calling upon his life. The Lord gave me the same message twice, again.

I need to gather any ounce of little faith within me to renounce my old identity about myself and claim the Lord's pronouncement upon me and, like the Lord, speak it into being!

"You stood before my failure,

  Carried the Cross for my shame,

  My sin weighed upon Your shoulders,

  My soul now to stand.

  So what can I say?

  What can I do? 

  But offer this heart O God, Completely to you!"  Stand -- Hillsong

This is my testimony of Christ's love the way I experienced it during the period from May to November, 2012 (and He is not finished with me yet).